humanity

"The only dream worth having is to dream that you will live while you're alive and die only when you're dead. To love, to be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest place. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never forget." -Arundhati Roy

shades of orange

I am sitting here on a drizzly crisp day in this wonderful little coffee shop at the foot of lookout mountain. Its autumn and the trees have exploded in a fire of colors and are slowly drifting and swirling around in the wind. I have turned in my graduate school applications, I am well rested, and in the presence of art, coffee, and companionship. I feel so light.

So you think you can dance.

This routine is freaking amazing and you should watch it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSzPdn9jWmY but yeah i saw this live with one of my best friends at the so you think you can dance tour. try not to be jealous. although it really makes me wish that i could dance.

there are just no words

I don't even know how to begin, i have not the skill nor the comprehension to write down all the blessings that have come into my life. I have been non stop busy. I have been taking test after test and writing grad school essays and avoiding my senior thesis, and working. All sorts of horribly taxing types of things. And yet I do not feel burdened, I do not feel too overwhelmed. I feel blessed. It seems like every single day. God has given me some wonderful undeserved gesture of grace, and i feel unworthy of it. It seems as though it has been so long since i have been taught gently. I have become accustomed change of a more painful and challenging nature, due to my own stubbornness. But God has softened my heart that i had so avidly protected, and so encouraged my broken spirit, that Joy has simply overflowed my heart. I had forgotten things. feelings mainly. I did not comprehend the completeness of a great friendship. I had forgotten the genuine concern and care that my professors have for me. The joy of people challenging me and stimulating conversation. And amist the whirlwind of academia I am content even joyful and that is more than enough for me.

GRE

Today was the day. The day thats been looming over my head for weeks now. The day i take the test that essentially decides my future. I had the books, the flash-cards and even some software, (that took 4 different computers to figure out how to work.) And, I studied some. Here and there from summer until now, essentially banking on my great testing skills to get me through this monster. But i absolutely could not afford to do mediocre on the test, i have enough mediocrity on my grad school applications already. So to put it mildly i was a bit concerned. But i got up at 6:30, made a vat of coffee, and went on my way. down the mountain to meet my fate. I searched through three exits to find my traditional fast food breakfast. I cant very well take a standardized test without a bacon egg and cheese. might as well not even go. I get to the testing center, which happens to by sylvan learning center, which made me uneasy. i don't have the fondest memories of sylvan. but i checked in, emptied my pockets of all potential things that i could cheat with or disturb other with. which is. apparently everything. and waited. soon enough he brought me back and set me in front a computer. 4 hours. writing, math, and verbal. it was long. and arduous. and i thought i did terrible. but they give you your scores immediately after you finish the test. which is kind of like a punch in the face. but great since you dont have to wait weeks and weeks and worry about it. and i did great. above the average for accepted students into the PT programs at the schools i'm looking at. What a miracle, and such a relief to be done with it forever.

inclement weather

So I'm back at school after a slightly relaxing slightly frantic fall break. And i am so glad to be back. I know strange right? I mean I'm more stressed out than i ever remember being. I have about 100 major things to accomplish this week and i'm taking the GRE. But I'm very glad to be at school. Glad to be back in my cosy little nook of a room with the rain pattering outside, glad to be back with friends, glad to be enjoying the fall weather and wearing sweaters and scarves, to be reunited with my french press and back into the routine of things. Its very nice. I just hope i don't die before the week is over.

the fam

This is a picture of my family from when we went on vacation at the end of summer. (clearly my mother's not in it, she's taking the picture) But we're literally at the end of the road to nowhere. everything about this picture screams indie rock bad asses. I always forget what a beautiful thing it is to spend time with family. The likenesses between my brother and I still astonish me. We were discussing future plans the other night, and the way we could relate to one another was brilliant. Just to catch up with him, and hang out was a joy. And now i am back in my parents house, where they made me dinner and intently asked about my life. all the while my dog panting contently at my side. and i am desperately happy as i fall asleep in front of the tv. Family is something i always find myself taking for granted. But i never feel more understood or accepted as when i am with them.