...hmm.

Not gonna lie. I'm a little freaked out that today is the last day of classes. I just finished my final physics lab. ever. meaning that i will never have to set foot in a lab at covenant college again. I am relieved and happy. but a little sad. This part is over and done. weird.

songs and backwards glances

I tend to be a person who is very deliberate about music. Very intentional about how i listen to it. Making sure that each song is the right thing to listen to at the right time, the mood has to fit, the sound has to be right, the lyrics fit. I am one who usually frowns on those who listen to songs over and over again, destroying a perfectly good song for themselves. Oh i want to do this, but naturally i am far to strong willed and musically elite to do it. and I refrain, convincing myself that it is far better to enjoy it later. However today was different. Two songs in series. I had to hear them today, they just came up on a playlist I had made, in sequence. Black Tables by Other Lives and Nine Sixteen by Bruno Merz. Back to back. I listened to them three times today, a rarity for me. On the scenic drive through Baylor high School’s campus. To Pasha, my favorite local coffee shop, and then once again back up the mountain. I suggest you listen to these, back to back. And enjoy the calm, the crisp soulful sounds of their masculine voices, the cellos, the poignant choruses. Its just so good over and over again.

As a side note.

I had to go to Baylor High School today and observe in their training room for my first aid class, and just let me tell you that that was quite the experience. Back in the world of high school drama, but as a college student. a totally uninvolved third party. I somehow found myself a little unable to relate to these kids. Then again I was somewhat unable to relate when I was in high school. But I was somewhat baffelled by how little they were, how awkward, how…high school. And I found myself thinking, I wonder where I would fit in now verses when I was there age. And I think that I would be about as cool as I was then. Now. which was not very. but I take comfort in the fact that I'm still that girl, too cool for the smart kids, to smart for the cool kids. perpetually the new kid, never with a concrete social slot. But yet now I'm nearly an adult, a woman. And i think that i've found my place. I come to terms with who I am a little better. I am more confident, which just makes me smile. Its interesting to have a glimpse back into that world.

.sigh.

The school year is winding down. Its amazing. it came so fast. in a way i knew it would. it seems long and short, my whole college experience feels that way. so fast four years were over, and yet i felt at times that it would never end. I'm in the last few weeks of being "a college student" its crazy that this era of my life is coming to a close. mildly terrifying. a little heart renching. knowing that i wont be coming back to this place, a place that i have surprisingly come to love. I have all my routines, i have all my favorite places, i have friends and connections here, i know how to get everywhere and anywhere, i am comfortable and happy here. I'm not ready yet. I feel very ill prepared for making it on my own. but i take comfort in the fact that we are all feeling this way. scared. excited. eager to make a difference in the world. and yet baffelled at how to do it all. how to start my life. my real life. a job. an apartment. budgets. grad school? moving? i cant wait for the challenge, for all the new experiences, for learning new things. for becoming an adult. the unknown.

But for now all i know now is that I'm going to make every moment last. every last moment count. have as many epic adventures as possible. and revel in all the "lasts" of college.