a bright new day

Today is just a wonderful day. It is bright and sunny. and warm. It is so nice to not be cold. for it to be clear. blue skies. the sun is shining, its rays warming my back. The breeze playing with my hair, brings the smells of freshly laid mulch and blooming flowers. Spring is upon us. the trees are in bloom with their tiny little budding leaves, their limbs filling up with blossoms, some of them come off in the breeze and slowly float to the ground. Daffodils are out, tulips and crocuses are slowly starting to poke their leaves out of the mulch and dirt. This sort of weather, the beginning of spring, the transition from the cold and the bleak, is a part of the year that i really enjoy. The sun makes everyone happier, bringing everyone out of their rooms to spend time outside. boys in hammocks napping with books on their chests, intentions of studying lost in a nap in the sun. everyone is either play on the lawn or hanging out under the trees. frisbees are flying. girls are laughing. There are even some studious ones sitting on benches reading. The sun is piercing through the clouds, which are few and far between, just shining brightly. everything is green, colors are popping out everywhere. this season of growth, this bright day and new weather is just refreshing. It makes me just want to go put on a flowing dress and walk through the warm breeze, barefoot, sun on my face, and not a care in the world. 

Senegal

My parents. as well as all these fine people in the attractive blue polos (plus a few others) are leaving for Senegal today for 10 days. 

They are a team of three nurses, a dentist, a pharmacist, a pediatrician, a physician, a podiatrist, and my father "who has a background in public health" which may or may not be stretching the truth. All of them are flying out today, each with two suitcases in hand, one with their personal belongings, another packed to the brim with medical supplies. They are going to set up a clinic for 7 days with the intention of providing basic medical care for as many people as they can. From headaches, to wound care, to infectious diseases. All of this they will be doing this in a three room dirt floor, roofless building. In the sweltering heat, with no protection from the sun. Sterile technique will definitely be a challenge. I am asking you to pray. Pray for my family. Pray for the team. For safety. For effectiveness. For high spirits. And that the Lords work be done. 

.wind.

when i feel broken. when i have been thinking. thinking. thinking. and nothing has come of it, and its all a mess. when i am overwhelmed with my own thoughts and feelings. i feel, above everything, the need to get away. i feel the need to be outside. to be in the woods. to be walking. wind in my hair surrounded by trees. walking through tall grasses. grabbing the ends and twirling them in my fingers. laying on the ground. the grass concealing my location. the wind rushing through the trees. i can feel everything melt away in the expanse of nature. in the silence. and something about being on the ground. in the dirt. looking up at the sky. just puts everything back in its place. i feel grounded and secure. 

this is something i normally do by myself. normally i'm too overwhelmed to deal with anyone. but this time. i took a friend. it was so much better. to share that experience with someone. to have someone to just sit and watch the world with. 

end of an era

a tragedy of the highest degree. my french press and the floor met in the most unfortunate way a few days ago. my trusty french press, that has been with me all through college, my dear friend who had two different parts from two different presses due to my mother mixing them up. who has been working overtime the past few months. she is now gone. we had a good run my friend. you will be missed for sure.

.back.

driving today. i look out the window, crisscrossed with frozen dew. the sun streaming through the trees, the light glints off something. snow. so small, so light. like dust. causing the air, the sky, everything to lightly shimmer. and a smile just spread across my face. this picture just delighted my eyes. beauty. splendor. immaculate detail. sometimes the simplest things just astound me. i feel. lighter. i feel... relieved to be back. like i can breathe again. its good to have the things i need again. routine. challenges. love. its funny how easy we can forget these things. the simplest of things. how important and incredible it is to be needed and loved. how calming it is to have a set routine. How happy it makes me to be intellectually and spiritually challenged. In three short weeks, i slowly forgot. how all these things felt. how important they all are. vital. and it is funny how i almost need to get used to them again. need time to remember. amazing how fast we become used to the mediocre, the easy. this break, it was traumatizing going without. just drifting. flitting from thing to thing. i still feel a little shell shocked from the experience. almost like i need to recover. i am no longer content without. and will not go without these things again. it was just too hard. home. i've never had a place to associate with that word. it has always been a feeling. a feeling of comfort. of safety. of love. and familiarity. of deep knowing. and it is always with people. that is what home is to me. and that is how i feel.

empty

sigh. i miss being two.

dad

today. i spent the day with my father, my mother was away playing bells, so i woke up and it was just the two of us. i exit my room. and i look into my parents room and there is my dog. sitting in her bed. with reindeer antlers. and i just laugh. she looks so pathetic and ridiculous and adorable. and doesnt seem to mind the antlers my father put on her. but my dad. hearing my laugh says "oh did you see our new reindeer dog?" haha. so silly. i make coffee for both of us. and we discuss his adventures into the realm of french press and which coffee we've discovered, why its good. etc. i need to teach him more about the ins and outs of coffee. but i like the way we just sit and talk, or walk around the house. its all so low key. we go to the mall. to do christmas shopping. neither of us know what to get anyone. but we go anyways. and just wind up talking and sitting and observing. catching up on my life at school, and what's going on at home. how people have changed. it was just so nice and fun. to be with my dad. it was amazing. i forget how much i miss him when i'm away. We dont talk on the phone like my mother and i do. or email. But he is such a kind hearted man. so wise. so intelligent. i very very much enjoy time spent with my father. it makes my heart happy.