.back.

driving today. i look out the window, crisscrossed with frozen dew. the sun streaming through the trees, the light glints off something. snow. so small, so light. like dust. causing the air, the sky, everything to lightly shimmer. and a smile just spread across my face. this picture just delighted my eyes. beauty. splendor. immaculate detail. sometimes the simplest things just astound me. i feel. lighter. i feel... relieved to be back. like i can breathe again. its good to have the things i need again. routine. challenges. love. its funny how easy we can forget these things. the simplest of things. how important and incredible it is to be needed and loved. how calming it is to have a set routine. How happy it makes me to be intellectually and spiritually challenged. In three short weeks, i slowly forgot. how all these things felt. how important they all are. vital. and it is funny how i almost need to get used to them again. need time to remember. amazing how fast we become used to the mediocre, the easy. this break, it was traumatizing going without. just drifting. flitting from thing to thing. i still feel a little shell shocked from the experience. almost like i need to recover. i am no longer content without. and will not go without these things again. it was just too hard. home. i've never had a place to associate with that word. it has always been a feeling. a feeling of comfort. of safety. of love. and familiarity. of deep knowing. and it is always with people. that is what home is to me. and that is how i feel.